It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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