Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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