You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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