My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Vodka?
Forever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
