Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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