I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
