why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
