Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
