i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
