I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
