the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am never drinking with the goths again.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
