I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize