Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
