In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
