We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
