I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
