Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up under a house in Key West
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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