Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
