Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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