Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
