I faked an abortion last night.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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