HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
