If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Can i not drive my cunt home
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
