So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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