I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
