Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
