Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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