based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
