yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
