he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
