the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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