Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
