I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
