I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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