is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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