i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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