I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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