i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
