you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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