her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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