your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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