Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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