I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
