so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
