At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Damn victory sex feels great
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
