I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
