When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
