today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
