To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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