worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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