how can u be prego again
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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