The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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