all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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