I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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