The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
