If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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