she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
