And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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