Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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