I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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