I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
