did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
