I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
