I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
