i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
