Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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