let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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