Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
