I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
