Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
