Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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