Me. At least after what I've been through.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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